Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Bullies: Turds in the Punch Bowl

Disclaimer:  I use the word TURD in this post.  If the title has already upset you, please do not read on.

You and I both know, it only takes one person to ruin it for everyone else.  I call this unwelcome person "The Turd in the Punch Bowl".  You may call them lots of things, and the word "bully" might be one of them.  

I will spare you the majority of the gory details behind why I'm choosing to share this post, but if you're a painter you might guess.  For those of you who don't know, a paint company is claiming trademark infringement on many small businesses and painters for using certain descriptive words.  Um.  What?  Can you imagine losing your livelihood over something like that?  Those two five-letter words rhyme with "talk" and "saint" and describe the texture or nature of a type of paint with certain additives.  For that, you must PAY.  Apparently.  (UPDATE:  this is not happening to us and God forbid it does, but it is something happening to many folks and we wish it wasn't.)

This is not something I will discuss further publicly.  I'm not saying the words.  I am not even typing the words.  I mean, my husband and I work here.  This is all we have.  There is no other job to help support us.  People are getting their Facebook pages taken away, their blogs, their Etsy stores...their businesses are being taken away from them.  This is actually happening to people.  For the use of those two five-letter words.

I have run into a small-time bully or two since starting this business and even they suck the life right out of you.  You are swimming in the calm cool blue waters of the awesomeness you created, your very soul poured into every minute your eyes are open each day,  and out of nowhere you get kamikaze jellyfish stung by a turdy bully.  It could be someone you trust, a total stranger, or even one of the big names of the decorative painting industry.  It happens in this and in any business. It happens all over the place all the time.  People have insecurities that lead them to a life of turd-dom.  They try to squash others with their clout, money...sure, they CAN do this thing in order to help themselves but SHOULD they?  When it destroys others?  

Let me share a personal story about being bullied.  Gather around.

Way, way, waaay back before Mean Girls was even a glimmer in a director's eye, I was tormented and bullied in high school.  From the middle of Junior year on.  I was not unattractive.  Didn't bother anyone too much.  I was a Diamond Girl for the Seattle Mariners for crying out loud.  That just made me more unlikable to these people.  Like these businesses, my sheer existence was enough to make the bullies mad.  The very idea of me was was apparently so horrible to others that my mom had to use her sister's last name on her checks (remember when people had checks?) for fear people would recognize our last name and find out where I lived.  By the end of my senior year, a school counselor walked me to my afternoon classes.  That's not horrible at ALL.  Thanks to the administration taking these ridiculous steps and my true friends I graduated high school...though I missed more school than I attended.  But I didn't ask for the way I was treated.  These innocent businesses aren't asking for it either.  Was I called names because I was darker skinned, was my hair pulled because I looked a certain way?  I don't know.  I do know that it scarred my whole life for many years and the way I viewed others for a long, long time.  Not to mention the way I viewed myself.  Still do sometimes.

Those early experiences and later experiences with negative turds in the workplace drove me to cultivate a positive business of my own.  I would guess many others have done the same thing for similar reasons.  When I opened the shop I thought, "I refuse to let anything that is not positive enter this space".  Easier said than done but we try.

My heart hurts that people may lose their livelihoods for using two five-letter words.  The decision to do this comes from the top, and puts the retailers of the product who are also small business owners in a weird space.  They do not get to decide these things and should not suffer the repercussions.  This decision comes from a place of ugliness.  Not business.  And it needs to halt.

If bullying of this or any kind is happening to you:  most importantly, you must know that you are worth far more than silence.  ALSO REMEMBER THIS:   before you ask these people if they ate bowls full of paint chips as children, or before you become the hysterical lunatic harpy no one wants to be around, use your adult words. And honestly, I am guilty of not always using my adult words.  Like, really guilty. Example: the excessive use of the word "turd".

There are so many wonderful people in this business and in this life and in this world.  I have reached out to so many...asked them questions, answered theirs.  Do the same.  Don't let one bully ruin you, tarnish your view, stunt your life.  Reach out to the others.  I did and I owe so many so very many thanks.  I am consistently surprised at the goodness and kindness of others, and just as surprised when people are not who they say they are. I could and should be more adept at reading people but I'm not. I believe people are good.  And I won't let my "I was a bullied kid" past change that.  Don't change your positive ways either...just don't say the word TURD, it's disgusting.  Or two five-letter words that rhyme with "talk" and "saint".

If you are being bullied, no matter your age or circumstances, please know this: It is not your fault. Reach out for help.  You'd be surprised who has been there and is willing to lend a hand. 

Keep being awesome and stay out of the punch bowl, k?


  1. So very well said Mandi. Thank you for sharing this post. I am happy that we are not forced in Turd-dom.

  2. The times I allowed "Turd-dom" to creep in & pull me down, He lifted me up. Praise God from whom all blessings flow..... ignore all others! Thanks for your turds, Mandi. Whoops! I meant words!!!

  3. Excellent post! It breaks my heart to hear what is going on. How sad that someone has to show their ugly side when there is so much beauty happening! My prayers are out there to all who are being affected by this!

  4. I loved reading this! I think it is so sad to think of other like myself that have poured their blood sweat and tears into this business and are getting the rug pulled out from them. Thanks for being so brave and putting this out there. :)

  5. Mandi,
    I absolutely adore the way you express yourself through your eloquent blog posts!
    I especially liked the disclaimer you posted to start the blog. You make me laugh out loud. Love you!

  6. Most excellent post! Keeping it classy (turd and all) lol ~ Best wishes with the outcome from Marmie's ...

  7. I am stunned to read this. Then again, this is a stupidly litigious society run by atturdneys. Thanks for standing up for yourself and for others. Love this post! One of these days I'm gonna make it to your shop!

  8. turd; noun. A pile of waste, a smelly useless piece of dirt, a shameless hunk of stink....
    Well, I guess I could go on and on but I best stop. In the end, I truly believe these actions by she who shall be nameless will regret her greed, pride and intent of destruction to others and will only bring a spotlight to the ones she is trying to take down.